Gown

I went back to the place where they call me destroyer
It’s a pretty town but I wouldn’t want to stay
When I get out of there I always seem to feel lighter
Why that is I really couldn’t say

Too many times I wanted to jump in front
Of Confederate flag-waving pickup trucks
And all I do on my day off is talk myself to sleep
Kept up by the neighbor’s fights and noisy fucking dreams

I buy my brother Happy Meals with money I have found
On grubby supermarket floors or in the folds of your best gown
You keep inside your closet and dress up late at night
Look at yourself sideways to emphasize your height

We stop at a beach just to stand in the surf
I examine your bones through the holes in your shirt
The sand beneath my toes feels right cos I was born in it
A stupid, bloody animal and ready for my fits

I keep a pack of gum around for whenever we are out
Can’t stand all that fake mint myself, but I love to watch your mouth
Your eyes when you are thinking turn inside themselves
I never feel as sick as when I’m lusting after you

My unborn older brother ate my mother’s insides up
Now I have turned into him, it’s an awful thing to watch
Like any high school wrestling match or any network’s news
With kids dressed up like emperors, beheading all their fools

Every time I sleep I think that this is how I’ll go
In the same sunken mattress and still very much alone
And all this background ambiance of construction, early morning
The sky looked goddam grey today with all those storm clouds forming

These days I know every face that I see
From the gum-stained streets, from my window seat
I see the barber, and the cop, and the drunk, and the wife
At the pharmacy, looking to take her life

And someone at the corner store will sell me cigarettes
And some girl will be beautiful with bug bites on her neck
But I will say, “I’m leaving here, though I don’t know the roads.”
And they will say, “The important thing is knowing you must go.”

I used to hear Sister sing herself to sleep
Songs about changing the colors of leaves
But now she looks older and tired with life
And some stranger’s gone and made her his wife

And they fight in the home that I grew up in
Now I don’t really know where I live
The next time I lay down, that’s where I should stay
With just my body and my mind I’ll surely go insane

When the neighbors burned their house down
We watched that spectacle
Nobody was hurt much but the dog bowed like a ghost

When their daughter drank her poison
And threw herself into the gorge
We wore our best black clothing, and smoked outside the church

Walt Disney

I woke up this morning with voices in my head
I fell asleep to the sound of your breathing
Into my good ear
Lay on my chest here

From my bed the windows give me newly colored light
And muffled morning sounds and time to empathize
With the bakers who rose so early again
Like my mother when she had something to say

I found today again another unfamiliar place
Looked at the body I’ve got the rest of my life to waste
I kiss your fevered head
You take a day of rest

Just like a god I don’t pray to anymore
That little cross you kiss before you go to work
And on your forehead a holy fucking bead of sweat forms
It forms

And if you couldn’t tell
All my favorite people have killed themselves
And if you’re feeling well
Take a look around you, I’m sure you’ll come down

And if you couldn’t wait
All great men have someone good to hate
And if you couldn’t bother
Even Walt Disney just loathed his father

Second Marriage

All our stars are dead again
All that light is in your head
We waste so much time together
I have so much else to go for

Home is a place I’d like to go
O, to be a little warm
And close

Yours is a face I’d like to see
O, could you pick it out for me
For me

Nightcrawlers clog up my drain
Every night, the same refrain
My old buggy, boring town
I could be out getting killed right now

Home is a place I’d like to go
O, to be a little warm
And close

Yours is a face I’d like to see
O, could you pick it out for me
For me

At dawn, all is calm

In the morning she blinks with great effort
In the evening she thinks from her favorite chair
In the afternoon she does nothing
Every night I shut off her body with my hands

Hum (Sky)

The day tasted like ocean and my father’s cigars
Felt like the back of your head while you’re counting up stars
Looked like a bug while you’re spitting on it

And it smelled like sunscreen and freshly cut grass
I told you about this, you shut me up fast
You said, “All days smell like desperate kids.”
(Our talks always end with something like this)

I’ve got this notion in my head I’m getting too old
Been watching movies all my life I’m totally sold
On the idea of death as a romantic trip

Grew up in an old house with creaky floorboards
I’ll die in a hospital in the arms of a nurse
And that’s really everywhere I’ve ever been
(From my front porch to the end of the strip)

I used to know recipes and a couple card tricks
The order of planets and baseball statistics
O, I don’t know nothing anymore

I’ve got an empty head that tells me keep going
But everything I love winds up ruined
I can’t love nothing anymore
(So sorry, but no I can’t love you girl)

I feel crazy most days, there’s a hum in my brain
Humming’s good for me, I don’t complain
Humming and standing a little too close to the fire

Burns off all my hair, burns off all my skin
Human being weaknesses
Still I can’t help feeling like what I’m doing is right
(Ten thousand years later, we’re still in love with the sky)